Yesterday we buried my dad. When asking how a funeral went, the reply is often along the lines of ‘as good as these things can be.’ If I look beyond the sadness of saying goodbye to day, the funeral was perfect. Well almost, it rained! The days either side had clear skies and sunshine, typical!
The mourners gathered outside of my parents home. We joined them to await the arrival of the hearse. As the village church is not far from the house we elected to walk rather than ride in limousines. A Black Watch Highland piper took his place in front of the hearse. We took out places behind. This is when it really hit me. The tears started and didn’t really stop. The piper began to play Scotland the Brave and we began our last walk with Dad. People were standing on their doorsteps or by the roadside. The traffic stopped to allow us make the short walk uninterrupted. My girlfriend later commented that it felt like the world had stood still. To me this is a fitting observations, to me the world should indeed stand still to pay its respect to his wonderful man.
Having arrived at the Church my brother, our respective eldest sons and myself carried the coffin in to the Church, an honour to carry Dad on his last earthly journey. The words spoken in the service by the vicar and my son reflected the love and respect held for this family man who always put others before himself. After the service we followed the coffin to the graveside, again escorted by the piper this time playing amazing grace. The rain continued as Dad was lowered into the ground.
As I took the dog for his first walk today my head felt clearer then it had since Dads death, and possibly since his illness became apparent a year ago. The funeral brought closure but also the realisation that life would not be that same again, Dad has left a hole that can never be filled. There are questions I didn’t ask Dad about his life but I feel we had the conversations we both needed to. There is an obvious lesson there, but in the busy lives we all lead its often easier said then done to take real time out to talk to people about their life and view of the world. That said, making time to talk to friends and family is certainly on my to-do-list.
This evening I again took the dog for a walk. The daylight was fading. I stood on the shore of the now misty lake I am fortunate to live near to. I watched a flock of birds making beautiful patterns against an orange and blue dusk sky. I took in this view for a minute or two, trying to clear my mind and take in as much detail as possible. To just be alive in that moment.
The road ahead contains a lot of grief. I do not expect to ever truly get over loosing Dad, but I am determined to channel the emotions into positive change. The doubts I had about my ability to motivate myself to do this are starting to disperse. I am certain that change is coming.
Total Wellbeing 