Here we go…

It’s been a week and a half since dad died of blood cancer and only now am I feeling able to put down in words how I am feeling.

Dads illness lasted about a year, that we knew of, and having been told in early 2020 he old had days to live before he some how turned things around, it’s feel like I have already grieved for him.  I have not had the massive emotional outpouring that I was expecting, yes there have been tears and a deep sense of sadness, but not a big breakdown.  Maybe this is something I still have to look forward to!

I feel this should be a pivitol moment in my life, Carpe Diem and all that, but the truth is my motivation has hit rock bottom for most things.  I don’t know how this will change my life, but if it doesn’t I think it will be a missed opportunity.  What I do know is that I want to own a successful group of Kickboxing clubs, to complete my psychology degree and put this learning to good use.  I also want to continue to travel but maybe with a little more confidence as a tourist.

The end came quickly for dad with a rapid and signifiant decline in what felt like only a couple of weeks.  For the last few days he was not capable of communication.  With the pain he must have been in this is probably a blessing.  I am grateful that having had a false alarm 10 months ago I was able to have the conversations with Dad that I was denied at the end.  There were no big statements of advise from dad based on his 77 years on this earth, but there is one small thing that stands out, that might actually turn out to be accidentally profound.